Zoro Stinks
by jade-blue
Summary: One shot, no pairings. I had this idea stuck in my head and it won't go away. So we all know Zoro isn't a gentleman... or a good rolemodel... here is a small reason why that's so... :D


**I have no idea why but this idea has been stuck in my head for ages, i just had to write it down.**

**I know most people believe flatulence jokes are immature but... I DON'T CARE! Flatulence is funny because it is embarassing and rude. So if you can't handle a little fart fanfic then don't read on.**

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**ZORO STINKS**

The whole crew was out on the front deck. Nami was in her chair reading a geography book, Sanji was leaning against the railing taking a time out with his cigarette, Luffy was playing 'Go Fish' with Ussop despite the fact that Luffy didn't even understand the game, and Zoro was lying down trying to catch a bit of sleep.

Zoro never seemed to have trouble sleeping before, but he just couldn't sleep now, he wasn't tired, and he didn't feel like training either. He contemplated whether he should go raid the fridge, go train or stay lying down.

Zoro decided to sit up against the railing.

He felt a huge build up of gas in his gut. With a bit of a grin he lifted one cheek and let a big one rip.

The rest of the crew looked up at him, silent. Luffy rolled onto his back laughing, Nami raised an eyebrow, Ussop went back to his cards, and Sanji looked shocked.

"Excuse yourself you pathetic excuse for a swordsman." Sanji growled, "You shouldn't be doing something like that in front of a lady!"

"Zoro, that was kinda gross." Nami said.

"It was gross Zoro" Ussop agreed, not turning from his cards.

"You're just jealous Ussop." Zoro said bluntly.

Ussop jumped to his feet, "What! Me? The almighty Captain Ussop JEALOUS?"

"Yep, you couldn't beat that one"

"Could too!"

"Prove it" Zoro grinned.

"I won't deign to your level of uncouth behaviour" Ussop folded his arms and stuck his long nose into the air.

"See shitty swordsman, even _he_ knows how to behave better than you!" Sanji scowled.

"Eh, suit yourself." Zoro shrugged.

The ship was quiet for a long while, well, it was quiet after Luffy stopped laughing.

Then Zoro felt another build up. He grinned and lifted his cheek…

"Don't even think about it moss-head" Sanji said.

A short but loud fart sounded.

"Oi! Marimo! I said don't even think about it!"

"That wasn't me shitty cook!"

Luffy burst out laughing.

"Gross Luffy!" said Ussop.

"Zoro! You're setting a bad example for him!" Nami said.

Sanji looked really pissed off, "Listen to the lady! You're a bad influence on him! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Zoro farted.

Luffy started laughing even harder. Zoro started laughing a little.

"FWAR!" Nami pulled her shirt collar up over her nose.

"Blarh!" Ussop gagged and covered his mouth and nose, "I can taste it…" he said from under his hand.

"Hey shit-for-brains! That was disgusting! EXCUSE YOURSELF!" Sanji was losing his cool.

"It was an accident!" Zoro lied.

"No it wasn't!"

"Was too!"

"Mine wasn't an accident." Luffy said.

"You shouldn't far- … emit gas, in public" Sanji told his captain.

"But it's funny! Why shouldn't you do something funny around people?" Luffy looked so innocent.

Sanji sighed, "not everyone finds flatulence funny Luffy," he explained, "Besides, it's bad manners, rude and just plain stinks!"

"IT IS!" Luffy looked shocked, "It smells bad?" he sniffed the air, "I can't smell anything."

"That's because it's a smell that tough guys like us aren't bothered about." Zoro said, he looked at the gagging Ussop.

"Oh I get it." Luffy said.

"Stop filling his head with nonsense." Sanji said.

Zoro sighed, "Luffy, farting annoys other people, the wimps, like Sanji. So you shouldn't do it … too much."

"Oh okay Zoro!" Luffy said happily.

"NOT OKAY!" Sanji still looked pissed off.

He pulled out another cigarette and lit it.

"You might wanna put that thing out before I let another one rip and it blows up in your face." Zoro laughed.

"Nami-swan, please excuse my rash behaviour" Sanji said.

He kicked Zoro on the side of his head.

"Hey! Anyone can accidentally fart alright?" Zoro argued.

"That is NOT true," Sanji stood back and straightened himself up. "True gentlemen don't ever condescend to such an ignorant level."

He strode back over to the railing and leaned against it.

"Fine" Zoro grumbled.

Sanji wasn't finished, "Don't you ever-"

Another fart sounded… real loud… again…

Sanji stopped talking. He went bright red and stood up straight then left for the kitchen.

"Guess he's not too much of a, true gentleman hey Luffy?" Zoro said.

Luffy was wiping away a tear he was laughing that much, Zoro was laughing too.

"I guess all men are the same" sighed Nami.

"Hey Zoro." Ussop said.

"What?"

"I reckon Sanji beat you."

"As if."

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**:P i decided to play on the part of Zoro's character that isn't too... um, polite.**

**Review if you want :D**


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